Yesterday was the Strawberry supermoon, and like clockwork, my mind was bouncing from one problem to another, causing a panic attack. The reality of our new fixer-upper in Coastal Maine and the cost of its repairs hit me and hit me hard.
Before, when I dreamed of our place, I saw this grand vision for how I would transform it. Yes, I am guilty of being a big fat dreamer who thinks only of all the possibilities rather than all the liabilities. My whole life I have been like this. Do I learn? Nope. Jumping off cliffs and acting in faith seems to be my calling; sometimes it works out and other times it doesn’t.
But this time, like so many other times, an unexpected variable occurred. Our income will be very low thanks to the recent supply chain problems (and it’s projected to be like this for the next six months or more), which, of course, impacts my ability to advertise my books, which means, no to little income as well. This scared me.
I tried many times to center myself throughout the day after receiving this news but nothing worked. The mind had taken over and peace was a distant whisper miles away from my ears. I had worked so hard for years to gain power over what some Buddhist call the ‘Monkey mind’ but yesterday’s crazy energies seized my mind and conquered my peace.
Thankfully, last night, a new friend invited me to sit in nature under the full moon, among other new friends and they helped me regain my perspective on things. We wrote down our troubles on a piece of paper and put the paper on a small fire. I have to admit, it was nice to physically watch the problems burn away. It reminded me that I could just as easily symbolically burn up the troubling thoughts in my head by changing my perspective. It was that easy to win back my peace.
Yes, I have three big-ticket items that need to be dealt with before the summer’s end, and yes, they are more than I can afford. This is true. But what’s not true is that it has to be an overwhelming burden that puts me in the depths of despair and steals my inner peace. It’s in despair that I make the worst decisions.
Today I am back to normal and the thoughts are under control, and I am once again at peace. I won the prize. Peace is all I wanted. That’s part of why we moved out into the Maine countryside in the first place–to live in a ‘peaceful’ place. But, here’s the deal, peace has to come from within. It’s a state of mind. You could be in the most beautiful setting, like I was yesterday, and be miserable; totally tormented in your mind. It’s all about perspective.
Now that I am out of my head, I can enjoy the majestic views of Blue Hill Mountain while the symphony of birds sing and play in the background at Valhalla, aka Val, we affectionally call our home. But most of all, I can work our repair issues out from a logical, peaceful place and find the best solution.
As the famous quote says, “there are no problems just solutions.”
All is well.